So, I have not died. Just because I didn't blog in over a week did not mean I died. [laughs] Anyway, Life this week has been spent recovering from my anti-social funk last week. LifeTeen was good but I felt slightly useless; I haven't been part of a skit in a while, and I feel slightly useless when I'm not in the skit. At least, the pattern that developed was that I was good at skits, and so I feel like I'm not using my talents properly when I'm not in a skit. I have not yet gotten used to being an authority figure. Monday at Jazz, I took Kat, and we were met by Naomi. It was good music, good reading, and the intermission for the upstairs jazz band was salsa music, and some people were dancing salsa in really impressive ways, enough to stir me into asking some people to dance. My salsa, a) is not club style and b) is very rusty, but it was still fun. I skipped Midnight Rodeo on wednesday to go to Salento's (tango) with Amy, to convince people to come to Crossroads on Thursday. Apparently, I missed a very large crowd at MR, but that's ok, because I was at a record-sized crowd at Salento's as well. It was very fun and I saw people I haven't seen in a while. However, on thursday, all the people that said they would come to Crossroads didn't come, or if they came, they showed up late, and I wouldn't know because the Crossroads management decided to cancel and close at 10:15 due to lack of attendance. Friday I went to MR and ran into several people from church, including someone who was a freshman when I was a senior in youth group in high school, and a couple people who were in the group of people a couple years older than myself in youth group in high school. It was freakishly coincidental, but that's how my life works [laughs]. And, I was going to see Wicked tonight, the musical, since this is the last weekend in Houston, but it's sold out. so, there go my plans for tonight. [sighs]

Anyway, Life in terms of myself, since I'm not feeling in the mood to elaborate my plans, nor gossip, is interesting. I have a lot to think about and not much to talk about. Besides work almost doubling my hours this week, on the fly, I've been hanging out with Vanessa a lot. I haven't seen Kristy in forever, and need to get my other techno cd back from her, since I lent it to her when I bought it and haven't even gotten a chance to listen to it. I've been avoiding Kat a little, because her cousin had chemo and has no immune system, and when I look around I keep seeing more and more sick people, besides my own lack of perfect health. I don't want to kill her cousin through carelessly contaminating her space. I've looked around and realized I have no friends with whom I can talk about anything and everything...no, let me clarify that. I have lots of friends I can talk to, lots of friends that are good conversationalists, but I am frequently a person to whom one may complain or rant or whatever, and I have no friends that fill that role in my life. I have no friends with whom I feel comfortable doing that. I have many friends with whom I could do that, but it's not the same because either I feel I am being judged, I am not getting an adequate amount of their attention, or I feel like they don't actually care. You don't have to care, you just have to seem like you do! I'm busy being confused about where I am, who I am, what I want, etc. The usuals, but feeling them more than usual. And on top of it all, my blog is where I put a lot of things about myself that will almost never come out in person, and I don't know if anyone but my mom reads it. But they're important to me, which is why I have bothered to say them. If I'm shallow for wanting people to know my schedule so they'll know when to call and when to try and make plans with me, then so be it. [shakes his head] I don't know. I miss Drew. I miss Grace. I miss a Charles with whom I could talk. I miss having so few friends that I was never dissappointed by them. I miss life within walking distance. I miss intellectual conversations (not just conversations with intelligent people). I miss being taught to dance by teachers and fellow dancers. I miss not despising myself. I miss real dreams.