Again it has been a while. Life is very interesting for me right now. My apartment looks very spacious and cute, and I'm revitalizing the search for a roommate. I've realized that I want to be a "bard" and not a "vate" according to the Welsh tradition. I'm reading a great many interesting books, and I'm keeping a daily morning stream-of-consciousness (paper) journal. I'm researching cars to purchase one at an auction, possibly as soon as this Friday. I'm making plans to go to the Jungle Gardens and the Sarasota Fair this week, both outings being small or large groups. I'm teaching dance lessons out of my home. My friends are having relationship crises (one fell in love with someone with a terminal illness, one can't have a relationship in a mutually-loving situation because he's far away and injured so he can't move here). And I'm single.
Last things first (because it's what you care about the most), Lara and I broke up. I let her go near the end of last week so that she could enjoy being single over Spring Break. She felt trapped by the expectations (real or imagined) of being a girlfriend. Both of us are having difficulties attempting to support each others' problems, which are our own problems, and not the others'. Specifically, I have been spending too much time helping her and doting on her rather than getting anything done for myself. And it is not her responsibility to kick my butt to get things done, nor does she want that responsibility. Our love for each other is still strong and beautiful, and our friendship is still wonderful and exciting and inspiring, but the relationship was dragging us down, despite our best efforts not to allow it to do so. And so we broke up, to remain friends. I don't see myself dating anyone else any time in the near future, because I still don't want to be with anyone but her, and she feels the same. Will we get back together? Who knows, but for now, we're focusing on ourselves and the friendship. If anything else happens, it's going to be starting from scratch.
My roommate moving out was a wonderful thing, because it allowed me to move into his room. While I hate the standup shower, the extra storage both in the bathroom and in the larger closet allow me to hide away virtually everything, so that for the first time in my life, my room doesn't look cluttered. The living room, being a dance floor, is equally clear, though there is the possibility of more things moving around when I get a roommate, depending on their needs.
The three intellectual classes in Welsh tradition are the druids, who served as priests and judges, vates, who served as poets, seers and philosophers, and bards, who served as preservers and creators of oral traditions, geneaologies and stories. Druids had much power and were fairly uncompromising, leading the people by setting an example for them to follow. I have no desire to pit myself against the enemies of my culture and my beliefs. The vates were visionaries and were inspired by muses; they were prophetic, creating shards of beauty. I long to create beauty, but beauty that is not then inspirational is worthless, and our culture is so blind that merely presenting it with beauty will not be enough. And so, I will be a bard, an official entertainer, and an official creator of legend. It will require first gaining respect for keeping the stories alive, a task I long to do anyway, and then it will be accepting and using the cultural/political power of words to shape beliefs. I care not that my words will be remembered, but that the meaning of my words, based upon my belief in morals and nobility of spirit, will live on in men and inspire them to be greater than they otherwise would be. Storytellers are the creators of heroes.
So, Lara, Chris and I watched the movie, "What the Bleep do we Know?" and we're trying an experiment involving positive thought and determination upon a goal. If all matter is really only made up of ideas, then all we have to do is set ourselves a goal and fill ourselves and the world around us with the realization of that goal. I'm focusing on getting a job, but the side benefit of this is that it's caused me to start journaling and becoming more driven to accomplish the other goals in my life. I'm writing more because I'm inspired more. I talk about my goals more, and so I get help from people in unexpected ways. It's great!
I have to go now, but I look forward to both outings this week. The fair is extremely convenient hours for me, i.e. it starts at 2pm and goes until 11pm, so Friday afternoon, after class lets out at 3:15, Lara and I and as many friends as we can get are going to the fair. Wednesday morning (I switched work days with someone), we and Jesse and probably a couple others are going to the Jungle Gardens where we can feed ducks and flamingos and have lots of fun before she has class at 3:30. Yay! I'll talk to you laters, blogger. But don't expect it to be soon. I'm busy getting things done!
Last things first (because it's what you care about the most), Lara and I broke up. I let her go near the end of last week so that she could enjoy being single over Spring Break. She felt trapped by the expectations (real or imagined) of being a girlfriend. Both of us are having difficulties attempting to support each others' problems, which are our own problems, and not the others'. Specifically, I have been spending too much time helping her and doting on her rather than getting anything done for myself. And it is not her responsibility to kick my butt to get things done, nor does she want that responsibility. Our love for each other is still strong and beautiful, and our friendship is still wonderful and exciting and inspiring, but the relationship was dragging us down, despite our best efforts not to allow it to do so. And so we broke up, to remain friends. I don't see myself dating anyone else any time in the near future, because I still don't want to be with anyone but her, and she feels the same. Will we get back together? Who knows, but for now, we're focusing on ourselves and the friendship. If anything else happens, it's going to be starting from scratch.
My roommate moving out was a wonderful thing, because it allowed me to move into his room. While I hate the standup shower, the extra storage both in the bathroom and in the larger closet allow me to hide away virtually everything, so that for the first time in my life, my room doesn't look cluttered. The living room, being a dance floor, is equally clear, though there is the possibility of more things moving around when I get a roommate, depending on their needs.
The three intellectual classes in Welsh tradition are the druids, who served as priests and judges, vates, who served as poets, seers and philosophers, and bards, who served as preservers and creators of oral traditions, geneaologies and stories. Druids had much power and were fairly uncompromising, leading the people by setting an example for them to follow. I have no desire to pit myself against the enemies of my culture and my beliefs. The vates were visionaries and were inspired by muses; they were prophetic, creating shards of beauty. I long to create beauty, but beauty that is not then inspirational is worthless, and our culture is so blind that merely presenting it with beauty will not be enough. And so, I will be a bard, an official entertainer, and an official creator of legend. It will require first gaining respect for keeping the stories alive, a task I long to do anyway, and then it will be accepting and using the cultural/political power of words to shape beliefs. I care not that my words will be remembered, but that the meaning of my words, based upon my belief in morals and nobility of spirit, will live on in men and inspire them to be greater than they otherwise would be. Storytellers are the creators of heroes.
So, Lara, Chris and I watched the movie, "What the Bleep do we Know?" and we're trying an experiment involving positive thought and determination upon a goal. If all matter is really only made up of ideas, then all we have to do is set ourselves a goal and fill ourselves and the world around us with the realization of that goal. I'm focusing on getting a job, but the side benefit of this is that it's caused me to start journaling and becoming more driven to accomplish the other goals in my life. I'm writing more because I'm inspired more. I talk about my goals more, and so I get help from people in unexpected ways. It's great!
I have to go now, but I look forward to both outings this week. The fair is extremely convenient hours for me, i.e. it starts at 2pm and goes until 11pm, so Friday afternoon, after class lets out at 3:15, Lara and I and as many friends as we can get are going to the fair. Wednesday morning (I switched work days with someone), we and Jesse and probably a couple others are going to the Jungle Gardens where we can feed ducks and flamingos and have lots of fun before she has class at 3:30. Yay! I'll talk to you laters, blogger. But don't expect it to be soon. I'm busy getting things done!
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8:45 PM
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