So it's time for another blind stream of consciousness post. I don't quite know what I want to talk about. There are so many things running around in my m ind. Words have no meanings or they come withou tthem until we give them meaning. Fools play with things they do not understand in dark nights. Worlds we have never seen before, never interacted with, still exist and reach out for us now and then, especially if we reach for them first. There is a bright light inside, and it is not me, abut it is me, and it will always me, and I will become one with that light after I die, for then my body will wither and my soul will fly out. a gift is a gift because we believe that the person who recieves it will like it, not because we must follow a standard formula for gifts. What are red roses but a symbol? What is a symbol that does not carry the smae meaning because one's personal experiences trump the social conformity to meaning. Then words become gifts as much as flowers, because the meaning of the words is greater than the meaning of the flowers. A smile can bea great kiss, and a great kiss can be an insult, and an insult can be a tease, and a tease can be nothing at all. Blow away in the wind, weightless one. There are far better places upon which to alight than this heavy body of mine. Fly away before I infect you. [laughs] But I'm not "infectious, am I? I'm not disease-ridden except in my hypochondria. Which is all-encompassing. I never told a lie, except thsi one: that I have never told a lie. I am vain more often than not. I wish I could be humble. I wish I could be confident. I wish I wish I wish upon a shooting star. I've only ever seen one shooting star. I always look too late. Isn't that how it always goes? The wish would have come true if you hadn't looked too late? We are only pebbles in a stream, the stream that is our own lives even. But enough of that, life is for smilining and laughing and enjoying oneself. I mean, what part of no don't you understand? It isn't me that's talking, it's the other me, the one that I try to tell you I am, but you never believe me, because you're too busy seeing who I am when I walk out the door. Follow me no more, satan, for words have meaning. I command you to leave me, in the name of the Father and the Son, in the name of the great Beginning and the great End. I sometimes wonder what was meant by "and he said it was good." What is good, really? sometimes it is obedience. Sometimes it is happiness. Sometimes it is honesty. Sometimes it is compassion. Sometimes it is necessary evils. Sometimes it is foolish unyeilding honor. Sometimes it is love. I have seen these all contradict each other. I have seen myself contradicting myself, and being true in both cases, good in both cases. I fail when I try to succeed, because I see the failure in light of the success. I can never avoid failure, I can never avoid success. I want so much, but a sacrifice isn't a sacrifice if you're giving up something you never wanted anyway. A sacrifice is giving up something you want, because what you give it up for is worth it. I wish those around me would realize that. I wish I would realize that. I need to sleep, but I won't. It's many hours away, and a new day begins each second when I open my eyes.