Renewal, Appearances, and such

 Hello Blogger.com, which had another name way back when I started.

I was browsing entries today, or more aptly scrolling through them at a brisk skim to try to find a particular hymn that I was Sure I had written in here somewhere.  As it was nowhere to be found at the end, I tried at the beginning, and I made my way toward the center, seeing old and new in sporadic variation.

I thought that perhaps someone might read this, when I'm old and gone.  I turn 40 this year, after all, and I began this back in college.  And when they do, they might wonder who are these people that fill the pages of his thoughts...and the funny thing is that I've been married happily for 12 years now, and I'm quite certain that my college girlfriend and my after-college girlfriend take up a great deal of this blog.

It's not because they are more important, or because I'm anachronistic, wishing I could go back to those carefree days.  No, I do wish I could go back to those carefree blogging days, when I didn't have children taking up so much of my time.  I'm a teacher, and I have 3 kids of my own, so things like laundry and dishes are constantly struggling against my concerns for my students and my desire to spend playtime with my own.  Even now, I am writing this when I Could be heading out on the road to pick them up from after-school care.  In fact, I should be journaling in a workbook for a church men's group.  Or reading the Bible.  Or reading Acts 4 and 5 of Macbeth, since I don't know what happens and I'm literally reading it with the students tomorrow!  Or reading one of the two books I have to finish for book studies before mid-June to enable me to renew my teaching license!

But no, not much going on right now...

I thought about the well-spring, where can be found the source of my words.  It isn't dry...and it isn't clogged.  It just...isn't being dipped into!  I spent a weekend men's retreat a couple weeks ago, at the prompting of the Spirit, and I wrote 3 poems and a song!  The song melody was sort of done by me, but a couple of the other guys jumped in and wrote a full guitar line and co-wrote the chorus.  It was awesome!

And now I'm back to writing notes on sticky notes, reflection journal entries in the middle of grading or sleeping (or both!).  Lord!  What am I doing?  I love teaching, I really do, but I need to find time for writing.  And writing about Tessa :D

I will never forget how to swim across a page with my pen, or to close my eyes and write with only my fingers on the keyboard, such a familiar dance floor.  I'm going to try to come back, blogger, I'm going to try.